Emptiness

Somehow I feel empty. This emptiness is usual for me in every December, especially during Christmas. Now it’s much worse after finding the light at the end of the channel and lost it very quickly.

“I try to fly away but it's impossible

And every breath I take gives birth to deeper sighs

And for a moment I am weak So it's hard for me to speak

Even though we're underneath the same blue sky

…
I've had my share of pleasure

And I've tasted pain

I never thought that I would touch an angel's wings

There's a journey in my eyes

It's getting hard for me to hide

Like the ocean at the sunrise
…
Love, can you find me in the darkness, and love,

Don't let me down

There's a journey in my eyes

It's getting hard for my to hide

And I never thought I'd touch an angel's wings”

/Anastacia - Heavy On My Heart/

Confused

"Talking 'bout a woman
Talking 'bout a man
I just can't seem to get it together
Joining hands in hands
The clock it ticks and it tocks
But my heart is on the rocks
I'm confused, so confused"

/Lenny Kravitz - Confused/

U2: Acrobat

"Don't believe what you hear - don't believe what you see

If you just close your eyes you can feel the enemy

When I first met you, girl, you had fire in your soul

What happened? your face of melting snow

Now it looks like this

And you can swallow, or you can spit

You can throw it up, or choke on it

And you can dream - so dream out loud

You know that your time is coming round

So don't let the bastards grind you down

No, nothing makes sense - nothing seems to fit

I know you'd hit out if you only knew who to hit

And I'd join the movement

If there was one I could believe in

Yeah, I'd break bread and wine

If there was a church I could receive in

'Cause I need it now

To take a cup - to fill it up

To drink it slow - can't let you go

I must be an acrobat

To talk like this and act like that

You can dream - so dream out loud

And don't let the bastards grind you down

Oh, it hurts, baby

What will we do now it's all been said?

No new ideas in the house and every book has been read

And I must be an acrobat

To talk like this and act like that

And you can dream - so dream out loud

And you can find your own way out

And you can build and I can will

And you can call - can't wait until

And you can stash, and you can sieze

In dreams begin responsibilities

And I could love, and I could learn

And I know that the tide is turning round

So don't let the bastards grind you down"

Concert again

I have to say, this weekend was very busy and frenetic. Huh, I am still exhausted.

Friday
I received an invitation to a party of FIB, but it wasn’t that kind of “leisure program” as I expected. So I left early and I met my close friend for talking, drinking beer and watching movie. I really liked this night and I’m missing it.

Saturday
Fantastic Black-Out concert! I almost refused to go, because I was absolutely tired and my stomach had problems. Khm. Then I decided to go anyway ‘cause I really like this band and my friend was already on her way to Budapest to come with me. We arrived in time absolutely; the concert was very good again. The only problem was that we had to wait a lot for my close friend. Then we figured out some misunderstanding about promises. Anyway, he arrived at the end of the concert. I was happy to see him again and to have honest and deep talks till the pub was closed.

Fun

My friends on iwiw are more than 200. That’s fun.

Fly Away

"I wish that I could fly

Into the sky

So very high

Just like a dragonfly

I'd fly above the trees

Over the seas in all degrees

To anywhere I please

Oh I want to get away

I want to fly away

Yeah yeah yeah

Oh I want to get away

I want to fly away

Yeah yeah yeah

Let's go and see the stars

The milky way or even Mars

Where it could just be ours

Let's fade into the sun

Let your spirit fly

Where we are one

Just for a little fun

Oh oh oh yeah !

I want to get away

I want to fly away

Yeah yeah yeah

I want to get away

I want to fly away

Yeah yeah yeah

I got to get away

Feel I got to get away

Oh oh oh yeah..."

Lenny Kravitz

Changes

I feel the wind of change. This is an ambivalent feeling. I have to finish the university as soon as I can because I am totally fed up with it. It is not easy; usually I don’t feel the mood of studying. I should find other possibilities for earning extra money until I can find a new job having my university degree. I am working on it.

I feel that I wasted 4 years of my life with politics, four wonderful years of my young age. On the other hand during these years I got many first hand experiences which make me stronger and cleverer. I’m wondering how this benefit will help me afterwards.

I have new friends who are far from politics which is a great thing. I’m very thankful for this. Now I feel as a man of poise again. And I find myself again an attractive woman nevertheless I’m not younger or thinner than let’s say 2 years ago. Now I live again.